This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
