I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
