still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
