I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
