She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
