Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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