I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
