I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
