I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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