we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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