I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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