She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
