The police scanner is talking about you again....
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
