Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
