I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
