you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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