There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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