Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
