New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
