So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
