I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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