if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
