where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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