I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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