well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
