Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
