I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
