I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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