Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
