sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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