mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
