I'm so fucking centered right now
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
