I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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