this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
