every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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