you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
