I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
sarcasm needs its own font
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
