Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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