Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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