Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
