HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
