i don't plan on having that self control this summer
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
