The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
