Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
