"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
