seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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