i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
