my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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