Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Who put my cat in the fridge?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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