I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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