girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
